Since I was about 20 I always figured that one day I’d be a movie star. When I was working shit jobs for low pay, drinking in parks and puking on my shoes, I knew it was just something to do until I became a famous movie star.
By the time I was 27 I started thinking it might be time to look into becoming a movie star. I assumed that it might take a few years to get famous and I didn’t want to be too old by the time I got there. I wanted to date young models and if I was too old they wouldn’t go out with me or they would just be doing it because of my massive wealth. Which was fine but I still wanted to be rich AND young and also famous. Not just rich and famous. I also noticed my hair was starting to fall out so I knew I should probably start calling some producers before too long.
At age 33 I was staying in a sober living in Ventura Ca. and I though it might be an interesting story to tell on late night talk shows about how I was an alcoholic sharing a room with three other alcoholic drug addicts before I became a movie star and started dating famous models. My hairline had receded a bit more by this time but I still had the look.
When I was 35 years old I was living out of my 2004 Kia Sedona minivan and I thought how the experience would probably be good for roles I would get as a movie star one day. I knew that movies about guys who are struggling and poor are popular since so many people out there are struggling and poor. I felt like I could relate to the poors even when I was a rich and famous movie star and that’s a rare quality. I figured my hard core fans would really dig my humble beginnings.
I’m 38 now and my girlfriend and I have a two year old son and she’s currently three months pregnant with a second. I’m unemployed at the moment but I’m looking at craigslist everyday trying to find a job. Don’t tell my girlfriend but I still look for movie star jobs while I’m on there. I’ve always been one to give up quickly but I just can’t give up on this dream. I’m sure many of you know the feeling.
I look in the mirror and I look old from all the drinking I’ve done — and from just being old now. Sometimes I think it might be too late to be a movie star at this point. I suppose I could play old guy parts but I’m sure I won’t ever be a star. I’ll just be some guy. A nobody. The kind of guy that gets made fun of on set by hipsters in fedoras. My characters title would be “old loser” and they’d get on the radio and say, “we need the old loser on set in five.”
I don’t think any young models will sleep with me either. That’s what I was actually looking forward to, the model sex. That’s what the whole becoming a rich and famous movie star was really all about. I would tell myself when I was having sex with ugly drunk women in my van that it was only temporary, soon I’d be a rich and famous movie star a having sex with beautiful models on king size beds all over the world.
Totally sucks that I got old so fast and didn’t become a movie star. I should have gone on some auditions or something. Too late now I guess. maybe I’ll have to be a famous writer instead. You don’t have to be young to be a famous writer. Lots of famous writers are really ugly too so that’s good. And writers get to have sex with literary groupies which are not as hot as models but I’m fine with it now.
Anyway, better get on craigslist and look for a job. Don’t think there’s any more movie star positions looking for a guy like me. Oh well.
